realize

sometimes you feel like you have to let go of what you know
and take ahold of something unfamiliar. He wants to go to
nanimo to play football he wants to go to America to play
Football all I can do is smile and encourage him, but deep down
I'm honestly half ok, but the other half that's not ok doesn't materialize
till now, when it's 1:50am in the morning when the whole worlds asleep except for me.
I don't want to be the one that is hindering him from achieving greater things.
I think again, my plan of self-fufillement through other means as in
simply get skinny get clear skin get more attention, will work for only
so long till the chase is gone and all you have is your soul nagging at you
because you know and it knows that your other soulmate the person that
acctually means something to you is unaccessable distance wise. I'll get down to 130 pounds
I'll get clearskin through eating right and dermatologist, I'll go even futher and get down to 115 then get gummy bear implants be happy and be content and honestly I think I'll go
clubbing everyweekend study my brains off thru the week then go to the gym 4 times a week
work at a job twice a week and then really what I wanted to do was stay in my room read a book and then fall asleep for 15 hours. I guess what I'm trying to say, what myself is trying to say is that I will be missing him, but it's something I can't control, but I have to accept. I can't control his choices so I have to just come to terms with them and accept it. I can't control what career path he chooses I just have to come to terms with them and accept it. I have to come to terms with these things that I can't control and accept it. I can analyze a situation for hours days months years but when it comes dowm to it I cant put the peices of the past back together in the present I got to leave those peices behind and move the fuck on.