Is it time to just let _ _?

I was talking to him on the phone and he was going on about ambitions it was pretty cool
but I think I kinda coldly cut him off because I was a bit upset about him going to america potentially to play football. I know it is a slim chance but still it pisses me off. I dont really want to talk to anyone about this except for myself which is here on my blog. But, I dont know how to deal with this situation any longer. IT's like the better half of me is taking control, but the other half the half that wants to release this upsetness, but I cant cause telling him that no dont go to american or dont go to nanimo either one is inhibiting from reaching his dream of playing football. If he goes to nanimo which im 88.9% he will which is almost 100% yes probabilty I am fine with, since hypothetically we'll see each other. But with america I belive I wont see him for 6 months or even longer. And im just going to be driven to party and drink and study like a mofo and by that time I'll be 117 pounds with my gummy bear implants and halfway done nursing. And 6 mnths without esmat I could go clubbing 2 times a week and actually partyy. you know what IT seems very appealing, hot body, tanned, gummy bear implants, attention, edge, advantage. But when it comes down to it, what matters. What really matters. I dont fucking know well I dont know what I want. But when it comes to this, I guess I just have to as what rasa says play it by ear. Just play it by ear. Take it by each day, just like I told myself in the start. Take it day by day. Im just going to keep loosing weight, I have lost 15 pounds and now gone down from 160 pounds to 145 pounds 5 more pounds then it'll be 20 pounds lost then 10 more pounds then IT will be normal body, then another 12 pounds lost then it will be vixen body mode which is what I ultimately want. 1000 calories a day do 40 mins of cardio and abs and leg for 20 mins and derma visits would give me my contentness with my body and my skin! I love myself, I am worth loosing this weight and I am worth loving myself.