I realized what i saw in the mirror

I know all of us can attest to that one time when you look in the mirror and realize that you need to loose weight. Man, tonight was that exact experience. I looked in the mirror and realized that i was fat. I've been battling with my weight for years ever since I was 13 when I entered a beauty pageant. Ever since then my weight has been a constant struggle. It's like a never ending cycle, first your start your motor "yes, I can loose it, okay, lets go to the gym, okay lets watch what I eat." Then a few weeks after the optimism and hope runs dry and you feel shattered and you look in the mirror again and feel the same as you did when your first looked in the mirror and realized your fat. I am at a point in my life where I don't go out as much cause I feel self-conscious about my weight and prefer to stay indoors at home where I don't have to worry about how I look. On top of that I suffered from acne and have acne scars on my face and whenever I go to the gym I feel compelled to wear makeup to hide those scars, but it makes me breakout because sweat and makeup don't match. So, currently right now I feel like I have to change, I feel like I have to take some risks, I feel like this nonchalant banter isn't banter at all, but the light that will lead me to the beginning of my first steps of accepting what I need to change my life for the better and to accept myself as I am. What is the vision of all of this? Is it vanity? Is it selfishness? Is it to reclaim my pride and love for myself? The answer is no. My vision is to reclaim that feeling of unshakable confidence, to reclaim the emotion of accomplishment and to experience the feeling of unstoppable contentness. I want to feel what it truly feels to feel at peace with yourself because you've accepted yourself. And I know there are people that will say you have to accept yourself for whatever you are all flaws included, but what if you have the power to change some of those flaws. As for me, I feel that I can change some of those flaws and I have to. I have to because that will make me happy.