falling from grace

So, here I am. I'm 120 pounds lost 6. I have 10 more pounds to go. 10 more pounds means 2 more months of starvation and 2 more months of hardcore dedication. When Im alone at home all I hear is the silence that comes when there's no one around. All I hear is nothing but my thoughts. I feel that is all I have right now. I haven't been even talking to my bf either. He hasn't called. I guess this is the way things go sometimes. I want to be drugged with something splendid. I want to be spoiled with someone I like. I was thinking today while I was scrubbing the carpet, it's all in my mind. My reality is what I think reality is. Therefore, the life I live is based on a state of mind. Motivation, ambition, destruction and desecration all are states of mind. If I can figure out how to control my mind I can control my reality. I think the first step to the many is to begin to create a reality in my mind that I want amid the external reality that surrounds me. Before reaction and consequence is choice. To believe what you want to believe and to believe in what you believe in is the truth. I will create my reality that I want and believe in what I want to believe in.