current

So here I am 116 pounds. So here I am new bf. So here I am in a new era. Back to the past I still get a little nostaligic. Listening to this song moment for life makes me miss those that I shared my life with. I don't know why, but am I just compensating by hurting myself again. When Im not being paid attention to, I find attention to. Here I am naked in the night. All I have is myself. Do I like myself now, have I reached a point where I kinda like myself at least. Maybe a little, just a little. I got a bit upset tonight cause although this routine with mike is a little different lately all he does is fall asleep on me. I go to work then he picks me up then he falls asleep on me. Or I wakeup and he leave to work. Or I finish my hw and he falls asleep cause he has to wake up at 6am. I'm feeling emotional cause it feels like it all over again, like those times when esmat used to come over but we just do our own thing and from that we just get used to each other and then we just start forgetting each other in a way because you take each other for granted. I hate that feeling. Keeping it fresh, how do I do that. I know he cares about me, I know I care about him. But at this moment, I feel stressted, I feel strained, I feel frusturated, I miss my girlfriend and I miss my party times. I remember when I was with esmat and this feeling would come over me when I would just be like fuck it Im gonna be bad. He was a good guy that treated me bad. LOL. How is that possible? Its when your with a guy thats naturally a good guy but he stopped paying attention to you and all that romantic stuff totally omitted. I'm gonna take it one day at a time. I'm gonna enjoy my days. Fuck everybody and fuck stress. I'm gonna do me and just do whatever I have to do and do me by taking care of my body and my skin and my mental health. I'm gonna find time to finish my hw, spend time with my bffs at least once every two weeks and party at least twice a mnth. My main goals for the spans of 2 years is to loose my tummy entirely and be 112 pounds, is to finish my psychiatric nursing degree, get clear skin, get a casual/part-time line in surrey memorial hospital, and start my legacy bringing eating disorders group resources in colleges/universities. Make it simple. If I accomplish those things I do me and doing me makes me happy. My fantasy goal is getting abs and doing import modeling and promos and photoshoots. If I work really hard by 24 I'll do the import model thing till im 28 four years yay! LETS DO IT :)